A Slight Conformation Issue

Generally, when horsepeople talk about confirmation, they’re talking about the horse (Note:  I know nothing about confirmation). They note if the horse has slunky hocks (that’s from a Daniel Pinkwater essay about dogs. Thanks, Dan!), a ewe neck, knobbly knees, or something or another. 

But it also applies to humans.

At the end of my lesson, my teacher always asks if I have any questions.  I asked about the way I always hollow my back while I’m trying to sit up straight, and how hard it was for me to tuck in my rear, keep my back relaxed, keep my legs in the right place, etc etc.  Leah covered her mouth and started to laugh.

“Well,” she said, “you have a slight conformation issue.”

Ah!  I thought so!  I figured it was going to be something terribly interesting, like, well, like slunky hocks or knobby knees or an unusual twist to my ankles or maybe Arms Akimbo Condition (can’t keep my elbows in to save my soul, either), otherwise known as AAC — anyway, something out of my control, just like for a horse.

“You have a bubble butt,” said Leah.

What?? A bubble butt? Me? No.  A thick waist, yeah but a bubble butt? OH my God!  Say it ain’t so!

“I’ve only had three other students like that,” continued Leah, rhapsodizing on other ass-enhanced riders she has known, “and it’s hard for them to tuck the butt under and sit on it while maintaining a relaxed lower back.  It’s a real pain in … in… well, in the back.”

God.  No wonder they feel like bowling balls on the poor horse when I tense up.  Good night. You can keep ’em relaxed, keep ’em tucked but you can’t keep ’em out of sight.

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